I don’t know how

Confession: I don’t know how to enjoy my kids. I don’t know what that means, practically speaking. I want to. I try to. Sometimes beams of light shine through and I catch myself enjoying them. People tell me to enjoy them. Let stuff go. They’re just kids. Relax. Have fun. Enjoy them while they’re little.

But I don’t know how. Maybe I used to know how. Now I don’t remember.

And too often, at the end of the day, I feel like I’ve failed them. I haven’t given them enough of me. They need more of me than I have to give. And I don’t know how to enjoy that feeling of being pulled in more directions than I can go. How do you enjoy that? How do I enjoy feeling like I’ve failed every day? Every morning is a new chance to wake up and do it wrong all over again.

3 thoughts on “I don’t know how

  1. I don’t have any answers, but you are speaking my language. Just the other day I said I don’t enjoy Abigail. Rarely. Maybe in spurts, isolated incidences — this last year has been really rough.


  2. I do not have answers either but with just my little one I have similar feelings. The times I know I am doing ok is when she smiles and laughs. I cherish those times (which are getting more frequent) and remind myself that it’s all going to be ok. It won’t be perfect but ok.


  3. You are not alone. But when we do get those little beams of light we need to enjoy them! How come no one ever tells you this stuff before you become a parent? lol…..one day we will look back and forget how hard it was….hopefully!


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