Confession: I don’t know how to enjoy my kids. I don’t know what that means, practically speaking. I want to. I try to. Sometimes beams of light shine through and I catch myself enjoying them. People tell me to enjoy them. Let stuff go. They’re just kids. Relax. Have fun. Enjoy them while they’re little.
But I don’t know how. Maybe I used to know how. Now I don’t remember.
And too often, at the end of the day, I feel like I’ve failed them. I haven’t given them enough of me. They need more of me than I have to give. And I don’t know how to enjoy that feeling of being pulled in more directions than I can go. How do you enjoy that? How do I enjoy feeling like I’ve failed every day? Every morning is a new chance to wake up and do it wrong all over again.