Britt turned FOUR!!…like three weeks ago.

We (I) decided we were going to have a princess tea party. The whole thing was a bit more involved than I really anticipated. Basically, I bit off more than I could chew. But for the most part, it went well. Britt felt loved and special and the little girls at the party had fun. Here’s her invite. Certain areas are blurred out because I don’t want weirdos at my house…again. jk



And here are a few of my favorites from the day.


The spread…

My friend let us borrow some super cute tea cups. (Which I still need to return, btw.)


The birthday girl!


being shy.


Getting some help from a friend.


The cake! Made my friend, Jennifer Fort. Cute cute cute.


We had the BEST storyteller. Little boys would never sit like this. No way. That’s why they weren’t invited.


So ladylike with her hands in her crotch and her tattoo. What can I say? She’s mine.


I wuff my “Cumpunzel doll!”


I wuff my pwincess bike!


There are lots more cute photos. I may do a larger picture post with photos of her friends on my business blog in the next couple of weeks. It was a fun day. Happy Birthday to our big four year old girl!!

Dramatic.

Real progression. All within about a minute.


“My life is so terrible! Please, somebody save me!”

“Is anybody buying this?”

“No, guess not. Ooh..look, toys!”


“I hate these toys! I just wanna die!!”

“Well, maybe not die.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what came over me. Sorry about all that.”

“Hey, Mom! How’s it going? Isn’t life grand?”

“This place is cool. I love these people.”

“So embarrassing. She’ll probably put those photos on her blog. I swear, she’s out to get me.”

Who am I really mad at?

I had a sort of revelation or “ah-hah moment,” as Oprah calls it, a couple of nights ago. One of the things that I despise most about myself is my temper. Most people haven’t really seen it. Not really. I can be somewhat unpredictable and unfair with how I respond to stress. I can be particularly hotheaded here at home around Phillip and the kids. I think having two additional kids the last year and a half has exacerbated it. Kids go out of their way to push our buttons. I don’t handle my buttons being pushed very well.


And the other night in bed I was thinking about all of this. I have had sort of a short fuse for as long as I remember. But there are certain people and situations that really stick out in my mind where I lost it. There were many times when I was a kid, particularly around my dad, where I didn’t just feel anger. I felt rage. I wanted to hurt him. And I think I would have if I could have. I think that he, and a few others, caused such anger in me from such a young age, that I just didn’t really learn to control it well. Or if not anger, confusion and distrust that has led to anger as I’ve gotten older. And, no, I’ve never been to a shrink and maybe I should go.


I think that maybe if I don’t really allow myself to think about and feel the justified anger from when I was a kid, then I’m going to continue to spew it at people who don’t deserve it. I need to start asking myself, “Who am I really mad at right now?” I know that I need to start taking some time, when I can, to feel the justified anger so I can start letting it go.


I cannot let that man, and other deadbeats from my past, punish my kids. I guess I’ve thought this whole time that I carried it. But I don’t carry it. I give it away to the ones I love the most and it needs to stop.


Maybe I need to take up boxing as a kind of therapy.


When a five year old spills his drink…who am I really mad at?
When a two year old cries for no apparent reason, who am I really mad at?
Who am I really mad at?


And for you grammar dork weirdos, I’m mad at you right now for noticing that I ended those sentences with a preposition. I’m mad at you for getting hung up on that and missing the point.

Brittany Q&A

Somebody turned FOUR today! Britt now has two birthdays under her belt with this family. I decided to do a little four year old Q&A with her today. If you don’t see your question (from fb) it’s because she was already in bed by the time I saw it.


Q: How old are mom and dad?
A: Mom is 10. Dad is 24.


Q:What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: a princess


Q: What does a four year old get to do
A: Like copy Mikey. I just need to think about it.


Q: What’s mommy’s job?
A: to drive (That’s sad.)


Q: What’s daddy’s job?
A: He bees the teacher.


Q: What is your favorite food?
A: goldfish and chips


Q: Who is your best friend?
A: Mikey and Mommy


Q: What is your favorite book?
A: a princess book


Q: What is your favorite Bible story?
A: like a princess Bible story


Q: What do you think Heaven looks like?
A: like Jesus


Q: Who is mommy’s best friend?
A: Mikey and Brittany


Q: What are houses made of?
A: made of bricks


Q: What are clouds made of?
A: of nothing


Q: How far away is the sun?
A: It takes 20 hours to get there.


Q: What’s the biggest number you can think of?
A: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


Q: Where do apples come from?
A: from houses.


Q: What makes you sad?
A: closing the door


Q: What makes you happy?
A: when you open the door (I assume the door thing is when she has to go to her room when she’s whiny. ??)


Q: Who is the funniest person in our family?
A: Mikey, Mommy, and Granddad


Q: What scares you?
A: when there’s a monster


Q: How do you make a sandwich?
A: You put jelly and peanut butter on it and then put it together.


Q: Where does God live?
A: in Heaven.


Q: What does God do in Heaven?
A: He prays. (Who do you think He prays to??)


“That’s enough questions. We’re almost to do the bottom.”



Settling in

When you first get married, you don’t really know what you’re doing. You argue about stupid crap all the time. You don’t really get each other in many different ways. You want to win. You realize the person you married is flawed.

But as you stick it out and get used to living together, you begin to see how compromise works. You begin to see what sharing and waiting your turn really looks like. You begin to grin at the flaws rather than wanting to throw something. You begin to settle into that person and your life together. It can be good and bad. Some settling in means the newness is gone. It means that even though he may have hung the moon, he hung it ten different times and it still ended up crooked. But there’s a familiarity that brings such peace. The sounds, the scent. Just the feeling of being home wherever he is.


And when you buy your first house or maybe rent your first apartment, you want it all just right. You want the towels to match your kitchen. And you want your canisters to match your towels. And you buy cute salt and pepper shakers because you want your life to be cute and you might as well start it out with cute salt and pepper shakers. You make your bed for a little while. You stand in the widest part of your probably small house and think that you’re all grown up because you have place mats on the table even though nobody eats there.

But then you settle in and you use tattered Christmas towels in the kitchen year ’round. Your coffee cups all have broken handles and you don’t care because coffee is coffee regardless of what the handle looks like. You only make your bed when you hope to take a nap that day because you’ve learned that’s how it works. And you stand in the largest part of your house and think that you’ve done pretty well for yourself, but you really should dust. And you really should get a new sofa, when the kids are older and won’t tear it up.


And when you’re a new parent, you make the nursery perfect. You always put ointment on his bottom when you change his diaper weather he needs it or not. Because you can’t be too careful. Your heart races and you feel your face and neck grow warm when you see someone give him sweets that you think he’s too young to have. You have to either freak out or leave the room if someone gives him a sip of soda. You catch him every time he falls. Or you at least try. And you feel like a failure if you miss or if you’re too late.

But then you settle into being a parent and you realize that he’s not as breakable as you thought. And when you add siblings to the equation, you see that you only change diapers when the other is seriously about to leak. And you don’t use baby wipes most of the time, let alone ointment. And you laugh when they fall in hopes that they will join you. And they eat dirt so who really cares what else they put in their mouths.


At least that’s what settling in has looked like for me. There’s a certain amount of acceptance and familiarity that comes. But I don’t think there’s really an end to the settling. Not until our lives are over. I continue to grasp onto things I shouldn’t. I continue to learn to let things go. I continue to think I have it figured out only to realize I have no clue. But we are settling in.


Our lives have changed so much since that first little loft apartment on Tanglewilde. I know someday I’ll look back at this time in our lives, this crazy time, and realize how much I’ve learned and changed and grown. I hope I’ll become more selfless. I hope I’ll continue to settle into this life that I have and that I’ll feel more at home in it as the years go by.