Either Way – revisited

Almost two years ago, I posted this.


https://crazydaydream.com/2011/01/30/either-way/


It was a low time. I couldn’t really talk about how low it was, but it was low. And things stayed low for a while, maybe as long as a year. I don’t really know.


Mikey has been tough most of his life. Beautiful, funny, awesome in many ways, but still very tough to parent. He improved leaps and bounds…and then we got the girls. And I don’t mean to make this a negative post about the girls. Not at all. But the truth is that he regressed much more than I could have anticipated when we added the girls to our family. At the time of posting these song lyrics two years ago, I was very depressed. I was afraid we had made a mistake. I was afraid he might not recover. I was afraid of a lot of stuff.


Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will blow away
Maybe I won’t feel so afraid
I will try to understand
Either way

Maybe you still love me
Maybe you don’t
Either you will or you won’t
Maybe you just need some time alone
I will try to understand
Everything has its plan
Either way
I’m gonna stay
Right for you

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won’t be so afraid
I will understand everything has its plan
Either way

Wilco Either Way


But at some point, without me really noticing, the sun began to shine a lot more. The clouds did begin to roll away. They came back off and on and sometimes they came back with a vengeance. But somehow in the last two years, we have all found our place and our rhythm.


Somehow Mikey and Brittany have bonded to a degree I never would have predicted. He despised her with his whole heart for quite a while. He was mean and hateful to her so often. She loved him with her whole heart from the beginning and has never wavered. And I think that’s what Mikey needs. People who will love him with their whole hearts, without wavering. How could Brittany have become exactly what he needed when 2 years ago, I thought she was going to destroy him? And oh my goodness…how I love her for it!


The clouds have been coming back more frequently lately. And I’m starting to feel afraid again. Or maybe my expectations are just too high. But I heard this song again today and I felt hopeful because he and we have come so far in the last two years. Maybe he’s just hit a rough patch where he needs us to love him as hard as he hits back. He needs us to stay right for him.


Mikey turned six yesterday. And I would say that in the six years of his life, there has been infinitely more sun than clouds. But for whatever reason, sometimes the clouds seem more prevalent even though they’re not. And I just needed to take a moment to write this down to remind myself how far we’ve come.

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One thought on “Either Way – revisited

  1. From what I’ve read and been told he certainly is an extremist. Those are the best kinds of people! I think I would love him!

    Like

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