He’s so funny and sharp witted. He is creative. He’s beautiful to look at. He loves to cuddle.
But he’s also angry…a lot. He spends much of his time angry. Angry because someone said something “wrong.” Angry because someone touched something they “shouldn’t have.” Angry because someone is singing a song he doesn’t like. Angry because he doesn’t like what we’re eating. Angry because he doesn’t like where we’re going. Angry because he thinks someone is making fun of him and they’re not…or maybe they are. Angry. Angry. Angry.
He’s almost always angry, near anger, just over being angry, or we are wary of the impending anger. I watch him. I look for signs that it’s coming. I try to ward it off. I try to keep the peace. But the peace doesn’t keep. Never for very long.
And since he’s angry a lot and since I tend to match his moods, I’m angry a lot. When he gets angry, I typically get angrier. When he gets loud, I get louder. When he loses his mind, I lose mine even more. I match his crazy. And honestly, it works. It works in that it keeps him from escalating to a point that we can’t handle. It keeps his “spells” in the realm of 3-10 minutes or so. And if you’re the parent of a child who has anger or behavior issues, then you know 3-10 minutes isn’t really that bad. But it re-occurs ALL DAY LONG.
But what if, instead of matching his anger for anger…what if his anger was matched with gentleness, kindness, self control? What if I parent him the way God parents me? With a quiet calm. Unwavering. Unreactive to my selfishness and immaturity. With undeserved patience. What if being met with these things rather than anger actually helps him control his anger?
And yes, perhaps this is a no brainer, but when you’re either in the storm or the eye of it almost all the time, it’s really hard to see a solution. And we’ve been in some form of storm with him most of his life. My post yesterday opened my eyes to this even though I didn’t intend for it to open my eyes to anything.
So I’ll let y’all know how it goes. I’ll let you know if I can do it.