We have a new family member. We got him a little over a week ago. He’s awesome. We are so in love and we have no puppy regret.
He’s a piebald dachshund. And he’s practically perfect. Seriously.
I’ve seen this blog post shared on facebook several times. It’s good info. I got my 7th grader to read it tonight. He agreed with most of it and said it’s pretty accurate. He actually said, “This is pretty accurate” because he’s kind of a nerd. Anyway, I decided to write a response of sorts to that post. Really, it’s not a response. It’s just the top ten things that I want my middle schooler to know, in no particular order. I decided 15 was just too many. Honestly, I should just do 5 since he’s such a space cadet these days.
1. I’m really not an idiot. I promise. I went to college. I know stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. I’ve actually learned so very much stuff over the years, that it’s made me forgetful. Forgetful, but not stupid.
2. I mourn your childhood a little bit. I know you’re not a grown up yet, but I sometimes miss when you were little. Sometimes I just want to hold you in my lap like I used to, but you’re all elbows and knees, plus you smell kinda weird. But at least maybe let me rub your back from time to time or play with your hair. I’ll try really hard not to blow raspberries on your neck. At least not in front of your friends.
3. I would take a bullet for you. No matter how irritated I may be with you at any given moment, I’d lay down my life for you without question or thought. My love for you is fierce. Fierce and primal. That’s right…primal. Like a bear. That’s why I growl sometimes.
4. I want to be your friend, but I know I can’t. And it makes me sad. It’s a difficult dance. And I don’t always do it well. I’m sorry.
5. I super duper don’t want to micromanage you. So do what you know you’re supposed to do and I’ll step back and let you do your thing. At least I’ll try. At least I think I’ll try. Let’s maybe practice, how about that?
6. I don’t really know how to do this. The deeper I get into this parenting gig, the more I realize how ill equipped I am. Refer back to number 3.
7. You can’t lie to me. Just don’t even try it. I know everything. Just ask your dad.
8. I want to protect you from all the bad in the world, but I know that I can’t. I sometimes want to lock you in a room and maybe think about letting you out when you’re 25, but then I know you’d be some kind of social freak, plus I’d probably go to jail. And I don’t want to go to jail. The reason I can be a psycho about technology and the internet is because I know the horrors that await. I know it all too well, and I want better for you. I want you spared from that. Please try to understand where I’m coming from.
9. You are my pride and joy. I adore you. I watch you when you don’t know I am. I think about you when you’re not home. I can hear your voice in my head. I’m like the ultimate stalker. I’m obsessed with you. None of my personal accomplishments could compare to you. You are my reason for existing. Creeped out yet?
10. My brain thinks of the worst scenarios possible. So if you’re ten minutes late, I think that you’ve been kidnapped. If you say a cuss word, I think you’ll end up in jail. I know I’m psycho. I can’t make it go away.
Boy, I’m crazy about you. You are my heart and my soul. Now go take a shower. Maybe put on some deodorant.