Four is a lot.

Four kids given to us to care for here on Earth.

Four kids taken from us for reasons we’ll never understand.

Four kids to chase after, love on, and clean up after.

Four kids to long for, never know, and grieve for.

The four we have consume my thoughts, but the four we don’t have still dance through my mind.

If we had the four we don’t have we wouldn’t have three of the ones we do have.

I am who I am because of the four we do have.

I am who I am because of the four we don’t have.

Anyway you look at it, four kids here or four kids not here, four kids is kind of a lot.


Today I found out that a sweet lady that I know lost the baby she was carrying. They went in to find out if they were having a boy or a girl and the baby was still. Just as three of our babies were still when we went to have ultrasounds about 14 weeks.

And it still hurts.

Hearing her story brings it all back. Just such a heartbreaking time in our lives. And now a heartbreaking time in theirs.

The hearts of little babies should never be still. Just a reminder that this world is broken.

But God is still on his throne.